According to Ryan Inman of Financial Residence, the Association of American Medical Colleges (AAMC) reports that the "attrition rate for medical students in four-year programs falls between 15.7% and 18.4%." One significant reason for dropping out is mental health. Dr. Martin Hofmeister reported that the prevalence of suicidal ideations ranges from 7% to 35.6% among medical students across 13 different countries.
This journey begins with my son, who, from an early age, was a happy, yet sensitive and highly intelligent child. He loved reading, animals, basketball, and various other interests and hobbies. With his permission, we are sharing his story to share hope to others and their loved ones struggling and suffering in silence to not be afraid talk about it and to say they need help.
Grades and friends came easy to him in his early years, continuing through high school and college, where he even joined a fraternity. However, red flags appeared in elementary and middle school. ADHD and anxiety became constant, uninvited companions. From missed assignments to forgetting important due dates, misunderstandings, repeatedly losing important items, and debilitating anxiety, it took a toll on him. His self-esteem dropped, and he experienced trauma, verbal abuse, episodes of rejection dysphoria, and shame. As he approached the end of his college years, the weight of burnout became apparent.
He had managed to hide this struggle for many years, always being the dutiful son, brother and friend. In college, he chose a challenging major in Biology/pre-med, being accepted into a program that would take him directly from college to med school, as long as he maintained a GPA of 3.5. The pressure proved too much—poor choices, untreated ADHD, trauma, anxiety, burnout, a breakup with a girlfriend, depression, low self-esteem, shame, and marijuana prevailed. We spent many nights ensuring his safety when he was in crisis and getting him to psychiatric appointments.
www.additudemag.com reports that ADHD among college students has dramatically increased over last 20 years and estimates that 1 in 9 college students have ADHD. Additionally, according to "clinical psychologist Arthur Anastopoulos, college freshmen with ADHD encounter a “perfect storm” of increased interpersonal and cognitive demands alongside decreased parental involvement and support, all with lingering executive function challenges and symptoms of inattention and impulsivity/hyperactivity" often facing comorbidities with high rates of anxiety and mood disorders.
However, all was not lost. Despite these challenges, he still managed to achieve a 3.4 GPA with honors. He was given another chance with a transition year program at the Medical School. In our eyes, it was a win and an amazing opportunity. Simultaneously, it dealt a major blow to his confidence. He felt embarrassment and shame and continued making poor life choices. Yet, that summer, we did all we could to support and prepare him for this program, thinking all he needed was a fresh start.
In hindsight, it was probably a disastrous decision to push this. We should have recognized the extent of his struggles with mental health and addiction issues. We should have encouraged him to address these issues while exploring alternatives, such as requesting a deferral for a year.
Well, he did begin school that September, trying to be positive and look to the future. Stress, anxiety, and panic attacks set in; he was failing exams and increasing his use of marijuana. He didn't make it through the first semester. In fact, he did so poorly that he wasn't eligible to sit for the final exams that semester.
That was a dark day, and to say the least, we didn't let him out of our sight for many days, perhaps weeks, even months. We were at a point where we seriously considered that psychiatric hospitalization was imminent; we were scared and didn't know what his future held. Over the next several months, we supported him as best we could by spending time with him, getting him to seek help, trying to create an environment in which he felt safe.
It was no easy task, but we started seeing signs that maybe he was ready to begin his journey towards healing and recovery. He had even agreed to see a therapist in addition to his psychiatrist. There were days that instead of sleeping all day, he would emerge from his dark room and sit with us, he began to eat and gain his appetite back. Slowly but surely, he would spend an hour or two with a friend. He also started working out again and even ventured out to small gatherings with friends. During this time, it was important that we trusted his ability to make good choices and allow him that independence. There is no denying it though, after the trials of the last several months, our fear and anxieties were a hurdle we had to crawl over to trust he would be okay when leaving the safety of our home.
Eventually, he decided the best course of action was to head out West to Colorado and stay with a friend until he could figure out his next steps. This idea terrified us, but he was an adult, and we had to honor his decision. So, at the beginning of Covid, he drove across the country, stayed with his friend, and got himself a remote job as a Covid Investigator. In some ways, living in a small town with a remote job was even more depressing. Yet, in other ways, he was able to hike, get fresh air, and gain new perspectives.
While there, on one of his darker days, it was his sister, his Irish twin, who played a pivotal role in reshaping his perspective. In a moment of profound insight, she pointed out the strengths that would make him a great lawyer. This simple yet powerful observation struck a chord within him, igniting a spark of hope and determination.
Taking his sister's words to heart, he began to see his struggles not as insurmountable obstacles but as steppingstones toward a brighter future. The realization that his unique qualities could be channeled into a fulfilling career as a lawyer became a guiding light in his journey. He slowly came out from the fog he had been living in and began his journey toward greater mental health and hope for a stronger future. But the journey towards recovery and hope is not a linear line; his path would take turns along the way, and we held his hope when he was not able.
We helped him buy a study course for the LSAT and he began studying. He moved back home after a year out West and started as an AmeriCorps staff at a local school while continuing to work towards recovery. There definitely were some hard days during this time. He worried that he was getting behind in life while seeing his friends moving on with their life with careers and relationships. However, he did the hard work, prepared for and took the LSAT. Much to the delight of all of us, did well enough to earn an amazing scholarship at a great Law School. Ultimately, he found himself in law school the following year. We were excited and thrilled but scared.
Agree or disagree with our decisions in how we supported him up to this point and his first year of law school. On more than one occasion, we found ourselves driving 5 hours in the middle of the night to get to him and help him through the critical moments of panic, anxiety, and trauma. Luckily, my job allowed me to work remotely, and I began to plan regular trips to support him. I could work from his apartment while he was studying, in class, or meeting with a study group. Having one of us there from time to time provided him a sense of safety that gave him the strength to go on. There were some tough moments in assuring him he was safe and would be okay. There were some special memories of spending that time with him, though...deep talks, cooking dinner together and in midst of it all, lots of laughs. I suppose it was just as healing for me as well.
But he did it…it required tremendous effort and work on himself, and his academics. But he got through that first year, maintained his scholarship with a great GPA, and even developed lasting friendships with fellow students. His confidence and self-esteem soared. He continued reinventing himself and he secured an internship at the Public Defender’s Office that summer and worked part-time supporting people with intellectual disabilities in residential facilities.
His story takes a heartwarming turn as he now embraces a beautiful relationship with his girlfriend and her wonderful family, a fabulous new internship that allows him to use his love of science and law. He is now officially halfway through law school and is enjoying his life, proving that love and support can be powerful catalysts for change. Life still has its ups and downs, of course; it always will. Fear of failure, shame, and anxiety sometimes creep in, but those moments quickly dissipate. Sometimes he needs our support and reassurance that he is okay and safe, but he has worked hard on developing his coping skills and ability to be resilient and manage the feelings on his own.
Along the arduous journey, our hero found solace and strength in various practices that can serve as a beacon of hope for others facing similar struggles and that it is not too late to find your path. A hero's journey doesn't have a timeline.
This story is a testament to the fact that, even in the face of seemingly insurmountable challenges, one can rise above and build a life filled with purpose and fulfillment. Through love, resilience, and a commitment to personal growth, our hero has emerged victorious, proving that every fall is an opportunity to rise stronger than before.
"A person grows up when he’s able to overcome hardships. Protection is important, but there are some things that a person must learn on his own." - Jiraiya
Key Elements in My Son's Recovery and Transformation from Failing to Thriving
Sense of Safety and Security: Creating a safe and supportive environment for your adult child is about keeping communication open, offering emotional support, and setting clear boundaries. Make sure they feel comfortable expressing their thoughts without fear of judgment. Be consistently available for emotional support and establish routines that bring predictability to their day. Respect their privacy, encourage independence, and work together to solve problems. Prioritize physical safety in the environment and maintain stability in living arrangements. Regularly affirm and validate their feelings and have a plan in place for potential crises. This supportive approach fosters emotional well-being and aids in their recovery.
Meditation: He researched meditation and its importance to mental wellness. It played (and still plays) a large role in turning things around for him. Adding mindfulness and meditation to his daily routine was like finding a secret weapon for a clear head and emotional balance. These simple practices are his go-to stress busters, helping him get a grip on his thoughts and feelings. Doing it regularly, he feels a sense of calmness and awareness of what's going on around him that makes handling life's ups and downs way easier. This wasn't just about meditation; it was like creating a feel-good routine that made every day better.
Reading and Watching: He's always been a strong reader, immersing himself in everything from science fiction and apocalyptic tales to the wisdom of ancient and present-day philosophers. Building his own life philosophy, he found literature with stoic and other philosophical themes to be especially enlightening about resilience and acceptance. In addition to reading, he's also an avid anime watcher, with a particular love for series like Naruto and Attack on Titan. The blend of reading and watching has become a unique and enjoyable way for him to explore different perspectives and stories, adding layers to his understanding of life. Stay tuned for his top 10 recommendations—it's a journey that spans both the pages and the screen!
Journaling: Documenting his thoughts and emotions is a therapeutic outlet that's like a mirror reflecting his inner world. It's not just about writing; it's about taking a moment to look at what's going on inside, fostering self-reflection and growth. It's surprising how putting pen to paper can make a world of difference in understanding and navigating life's twists and turns.
Exercise: Sports has always been an important part of his life, his passion was and remains basketball, and he later developed another passion...strength conditioning. However, physical activity of any kind not only contributes to overall well-being but also served as an outlet for stress and anxiety, consider it your daily dose towards wellness.
Cessation of Marijuana Use: Recognizing that marijuana was messing with his mind, he chose to quit using it. Although some people find relief with medical marijuana, it ended up being a hurdle for him. Instead of helping in his recovery, it set him back. Quitting marijuana was no easy task, yet it became a vital step in his journey towards recovery—a brave move to take charge of his mental health and work towards a healthier, more balanced life.
Limiting Alcohol: Cutting back on alcohol has been a game-changer for him. Although he wasn't a heavy drinker, especially outside college parties, he realized that it set him back whenever he indulged. Hard liquor, in particular, triggered negative reactions, making him angry, paranoid, and anxious. Learning about its inflammatory properties, which aren't great for anxiety and ADHD, he decided to limit his intake. Nowadays, he still enjoys a good craft beer but sticks to just one or two occasionally.
ADHD Treatment: Seeking professional help to address ADHD turned out to be a pivotal step in managing life's challenges more effectively. It's not just about medication; it's a comprehensive approach involving learning methods and strategies to tackle executive functioning impairments. Simple organizational skills, like developing routines, strategically using a calendar for both mundane and important dates or finding a designated spot for keys and Apple Air Tags (which are a game-changer for people with ADHD), became crucial. Addressing ADHD challenges also played a significant role in lowering his anxiety levels. Another aspect he had to grapple with, and still encounters, is rejection sensitivity dysphoria—a symptom not often discussed, but it's worth delving into for a better understanding of its impact on individuals with ADHD. I highly recommend looking into it for further insights.
Diet: Embracing a carnivore diet emerged as a key element in his lifestyle, playing a vital role in fostering both physical and mental well-being. After thoroughly researching its potential benefits for his specific situation, he has become a staunch advocate. However, it's crucial to note that this dietary choice is highly personal, still controversial, and should never be mistaken for medical advice. He found that the carnivore diet significantly alleviated his symptoms of anxiety and ADHD, contributing not only to improved health but also lifting the mental fog that had been weighing him down. While this approach worked wonders for him, individual responses to diets can vary, and it's always recommended to consult with a healthcare professional before making significant dietary changes.
Acceptance and Personal Insight: For him, understanding and accepting his own mistakes, forgiving himself, and moving forward from the past have played a big role in finding inner peace. He sees this process as an ongoing journey, where he's learning to deal with imperfections and turn them into lessons. It's not always a smooth ride, but keeping a positive mindset often means not letting things get too messed up by going down a rabbit hole when something goes wrong. Even though it's still a bit tricky, he's noticed that he gets back on track with his thoughts faster now.
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